


Our Hurt, Our Love

by notxherex



Category: Given (Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Manga Spoilers, One Shot, Spoilers, mentioned mafuyu, mentioned uenoyama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:15:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24140437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notxherex/pseuds/notxherex
Summary: Haruki Nakayama was a savior, and Kaji Akihiko hid himself from him.(Review of their relationship in more detail from my part. Basically their relationship in the manga with some of the same dialogue and an added scene from me.)
Relationships: Kaji Akihiko/Nakayama Haruki
Comments: 2
Kudos: 55





	Our Hurt, Our Love

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't get the hurt I felt from this relationship out of my head. I had to write what happened between them down with more detail from my own feelings towards them.

Haruki Nakayama was a savior that never recognized just how much he meant to others. He never looked beyond what was at face value and that was how Akihiko could hide everything he felt, everything he was, and everything he knew. He had meant it when he told Haruki just how much he had helped him before. He had meant so much more than his words, but he was still with Ugetsu and could not leave him. As it was, his life stood with the fellow violin player. They belonged together. It didn't matter how much it hurt, when Ugetsu left he always came back.

But this time, he was angry.

Haruki wanting to run away from their band and the only thing that made them be together had been the final straw. There was too much tension in him and he snapped. He just couldn’t hold back. He knew Haruki liked him and he knew he loved Haruki. Why couldn’t the other just be honest with him? Why couldn’t they just be honest with each other? Why couldn't Akihiko just be honest with himself and seek a less painful life that made music seem bleak.

Akihiko was used to being physical to show his emotions with Ugetsu, and now he had done the same to Haruki. But Haruki, this man that he wished could save him and bring meaning back into music and into his life, offered his help so easily that it hurt.

So he refused. A part of him hoped beyond realistic expectations that things would stay the same with them; that he could apologize and they could ignore this like they did Haruki's feelings for him.

However, the moment that Haruki walked through the door with his hair cut, he felt as if he had ruined something beyond repair within the older. He desperately clung to his hope of being able to fix everything and tried to get Haruki to talk to him but he was only told to leave. 

And while he would have left, had it been anyone else, he wouldn’t leave now. He couldn't as he had nowhere else to go and so he told the other that much and nothing more.

Of course, the savior that was Haruki relented and let him stay.

For a while, there was tension and the older was distant. Akihiko continued to act like he would have with Ugetsu. He prepared dinner for them, made them coffee, would feel as if it was his duty to do so and if he didn’t, he would be forced to leave or be left alone. Haruki felt like the only thing he really had now besides his violin and his drums. 

So it surprised him when he found the other cooking after he had dozed off. He apologized profusely but Haruki didn’t quite understand why he was acting so desperate. It was fine, he told him. He didn’t have to always cook dinner. In fact, he really shouldn’t worry about it.

That was the first time Akihiko could see that Haruki always saw him on equal ground. Never envying him, always supporting him, always believing in him, and always loving him.  
Akihiko had ruined that.  
He had to change, because now… now he knew that his love would not die and that maybe… he could become someone that would be worthy of the older man who had loved him for years. Music was fun again. The safety of knowing Haruki, the positivity that he radiated when it came to others, the care and protectiveness…he wanted to keep that. But he also wanted to protect Haruki. He wanted to hold him and touch him and reinforce that he was needed and not unnecessary like he had gotten into his head a few times.

But first…first he had to break it off with Ugetsu once and for all.

* * *

_I’ll be back._

That’s what Akihiko said when he left them in the venue... He ran out like his life depended on it, and Haruki knew exactly who he was chasing. But he had known for some time now. His hair was a reminder of that. When he cut his hair, he let the other go along with his wishes and hope of something coming out of this love he held for so long.

He had felt played with and, after Mafuyu's lonesome song, he couldn’t keep up this façade of being okay with his hurt. He was lonely, and Akihiko had shattered his heart by denying his help. It was the last thing he could have been able to give him to connect the two.

It was over.

It only made sense that living with Akihiko would be hard and it was. At first.  
Locking himself up in his bedroom meant almost nothing when he could still hear the other practice his music. And wasn’t that a surprise? The younger never seemed to be so diligent with things. The realization that maybe he didn’t know Akihiko well enough to actually say he loved him came and went as time passed.

But Haruki understood that, despite not having known everything about the other, his love had been real and would continue to be real for a while if not forever. Maybe if he had had the heart to deny Akihiko anything, he would have been able to distance himself and give his heart a break. Maybe he could have moved on.

Because the more time that Akihiko lived with him, the more they talked, the more they played music together- the more fun it became. He forgave him in the end; he accepted that they lived separate lives and his love would always be unrequited. Somewhere in the time they spent sharing the same space, it hit him that Akihiko would never leave him even if he did so physically.

Still, Haruki would meet someone and he wouldn’t be lonely anymore. It would happen one day.

Thus, as he watched the door close behind his current roommate, he turned away and promised himself he would move on.

_Goodbye_

It turned out that Akihiko would make it easier on him. Not long after the night he ran after Ugetsu, the younger moved out. He had a place to stay now, and he had only stayed with Haruki out of necessity. They knew that.

So Haruki wished him well.

They were all busy preparing music. Haruki practiced music, worked at the ‘fancy’ café, and played support for another band. Everything was going well. Except for the fact that he no longer felt he knew Akihiko. The man was changing. Haruki would spot him in school, staying longer to practice the violin. He seemed to concentrate more during practice. The air around even seemed to flow differently.

Haruki didn’t know what this meant but he knew he really didn’t need to know. They were their own people. He could only smile his loneliness away.

But it still came to a surprise to him when Mafuyu invited him to watch the violin contest that Akihiko would play in. As they watched him play, his heart throbbed painfully. This man before him was a different man than the one he had known months prior.

Haruki understood that this was good for the younger one.

He left the venue without a word to Akihiko and with a bittersweet feeling stemming from a renewed broken heart. He hadn’t the guts to speak to him right after. Mafuyu had just nodded at his depature, as if he could read his thoughts.

And maybe he could.

He currently sat outside by a river and a small gust of wind blew through his hair, causing him to turn his head and spot the one person he couldn’t be alone with right now. But he wouldn’t show it on his face.

“Ah,” he says and the other responds the same before running up to him.

“If you’re going to come then say you’re going to come!” Akihiko yells, “I was so embarrassed! I was so embarrassed!”

And he really did look embarrassed. His pale complexion had always made it easy for an embarrassed flush to shine through.

The shock of being yelled at by this blushing man made him calm down a little. It was normal. Friends would be embarrassed at this kind of thing.  
“Mafuyu invited me this morning.” Haruki can't look away from Akihiko, he's looking at a familiar face yet a different man. “How did you do?”

“I got fourth place.” Akihitso sighs and takes a seat beside him.

“That’s..good?”

“Not really.”

Quiet takes over between them. Haruki can only beg his heart to calm before he speaks again. But before he can, the other beats him to it.

"...I broke up with Ugetsu.” Akihiko starts but Haruki can't keep his shock from interrupting him.

"Eh?! But I was after you moved out that you-“

But he wasn't allowed to finish that thought.

“I tracked down my parents and begged them for money.”

Haruki stared, thoughts of how he had been wrong about the other and how much farther he was from the other than he actually thought. He knew nothing of Akihiko. The things he thought he knew he had only speculated and he had been wrong. He couldn’t get a hold of him anymore.

With a sigh of defeat, he speaks up quietly. "You've changed a lot.”

He can’t know if it was his words or how he sounded. He’d like to believe he kept the emotions off his face; He’d like to believe his disappointment in himself wasn’t visible. But somehow, Akihiko just became more and more frustrated until he finally yelled out that frustration.

"I've been trying to become a man worthy of you!”

_What?_

"I'm trying to change, because you deserve better. Haruki.,” Akihiko kneels down by the other and with a softer voice-almost as if begging for his life, “can I touch you?”

Haruki- with only a second of hesitance- agrees, because isn't this what he wanted all along? Still, the way the younger throws himself at him and around him confuses him. He can't fully grasp this situation. He can’t trust that this is real.

"I might hurt you again. Uenoyama will probably yell at us. But Haruki, I love you. Please, go out with me.”

Haruki cries. 

* * *

“You know, I heard this song once called _Superhero._ It told the listener they were their own reason for being alone. It spoke of how a hero cannot save everyone, and I couldn’t be saved because I wouldn’t let you.

“Akihiko…”

With a shake of his head, Akihiko smiles and sits forward. “It’s alright. I’m alright. It’s true isn’t it? We reap what we sow. But isn’t that a good thing now? I’m changing my life.”

Haruki smiles softly.

“And I’ve got you by my side now, so it’s alright.” He takes the other’s hand in his and plays with his fingers as he looks down at them. “There have been hard days, but Haru, you’ve made everything fun. Everything is so fun now.”

The older of the two understands this completely.

Two weeks had passed since he had agreed to date Akihiko, and things had settled well between them. He learned everything about what the other had been doing to improve his life and his image. His words, not Haruki's.

The night Akihiko confessed ended with them back in Haruki's apartment. They sat on the couch as they spoke and ended up falling asleep together, exhausted from all the emotions that exploded within and between them.

"What am I going to do with you?” Haruki chuckles and leans forward to plant a kiss on the other's cheek. He blushes but refuses to back away in embarrassment from his now boyfriend.

Akihiko turns his head and presses a kiss to Haruki's lips.

"For starters,” he barely moves and so their lips keep brushing together as he speaks, "you can continue kiss me all over.”

Akihiko smirks as Haruki turns even redder but can't help but laugh when the older starts slapping him playfully on the arm.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" He yells and Haruki pulls back to smile softly at him. The ticking of the living room clock becomes the only sound as they stare at each other.

“You're so cute, Haruki.”

Who could possibly hold back in this situation? Not Haruki. He wouldn't hold back any longer.

"I love you, Akihiko.”

Akihiko's eyes widen and he can't hold back from hugging his boyfriend. It was the first time he actually told him how he felt and the look on his face shone with complete and utter honesty. His gaze so full of love it could have been suffocating if Akihiko didn't feel the same.

It was true that Akihiko had said he might hurt Haruki again. Sometimes, he was still scared but as always, the other saved him from the fear of himself and the damage that he could cause but would try his best not to.

Now that they were together with honesty, love, and music binding them- they would be okay.


End file.
